09242017Headline:

Time changes us By: Jeannette Glen

Time changes us

By: Jeannette Glen

 

I was afraid of what turning thirty would mean for me. I thought it would be horrible especially because I haven’t yet achieved what I thought I would have by now. I prayed but the pressure I felt didn’t subside. That feeling of defeat and desperation led to feelings of insignificance. I felt like I needed to run away. I was a disgrace to my family, friends and myself. It was a horrible feeling to have to live with daily. I was so caught up on what I didn’t have that it was blinding me to what I did have.

I was at work when I met someone who was an astrology buff, like myself. She asked me my zodiac sign and my birth date. Then she said it, “You’re about to be thirty!” My heart stopped because I had never heard those words come from anyone else’s mouth. I just stood there staring at her, studying her expression. I’d forgotten all about the customers piling behind her waiting to be checked out. She smiled and I couldn’t help but thinking, this is the worst year of my life. I had nothing to smile about and when I was smiling, it was merely for appearances. A smile that said: I’m ok with this. I’m not scared. A smile that hid everything.

She must have felt the tension. She asked, “Aren’t you excited to be beginning this new chapter in your life?” I just rolled my eyes and said, “I’m still making corrections to the last chapter.” Her eyes lit up and I’ll never forget what she said. She told me that editing was the very last thing we do to a book. She said the point of aging is so that we can live and experience all that we desire no matter how long it takes.

In the coming months, I would truly come to know myself a little better and come to terms with who I was, am and what I hope to accomplish in my next thirty years. The day I became thirty a light bulb crackled to life. Things that I wasn’t interested in learning, doing and experiencing became my top priority. I was no longer looking to my past for someone to blame, but looking toward my future to become the person I envisioned becoming. I truly feel that I have walked into myself. I feel like Martin Luther King Jr. when he said and I am paraphrasing, I am not where I should be, I’m not where I am going to be, but I’m grateful I’m not where we were! This is so true because I have learned if I am living and aging, I am changing, learning, experiencing and able to obtain anything and everything I want.

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