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Haterology 101: don’t sip the hater-ade. What a hater is and how to stop them.

By Meghan Henoumont

 

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They’re out there. Hidden behind cold smiles, facades of jealousy, superiority, and judgment. They may work beside you or live down the hall. They have the power to make you doubt your choices, self-worth and relationships, but only if you let them. These people are known as “haters”.

Haters aren’t just entities that haunt hip-hop songs. Unfortunately they are a part of existence that sooner or later everyone has to deal with. They can come in the form of a friend, family member, co-worker, boss or even a roommate. A hater is a lot like a voodoo curse: only effective if you give it your attention and belief. Here are the signs of a toxic hater and how to remove them from your life.

Signs you’ve got a hater on your hands

1. A hater will never be happy for you about anything. News of a promotion, a new outfit, or even a new relationship will not evoke the typical response of a friend. In fact haters will almost always try to one-up you, making sure their experiences will always out-do your own.
2. A hater will talk about you behind your back and spread rumors about you, try to ruin your reputation with everyone and anyone. Basically, like a villain in a cartoon, they will try to undermine you at every turn. You will be excluded from invites because of the fear the attention might be on you and not them.
3. Haters are masters of passive-aggressive behavior and cloaking their agendas under the false pretense of a concerned friend. This trait includes snide remarks about your job, state of finances, looks or relationships.
4. A hater will take every possible opportunity to disagree with you or make you feel bad about any opinion you may have, good or bad. Remember— a hater truly believes they are superior to you in every way.
5. A hater will slowly, and creepily, morph into you. Over time they start spouting YOUR ideals, beliefs and even your own sense of style, Of course after they knock you for physical attributes they don’t possess. Haters have no self-identity or esteem. Don’t let them take yours.
6. Haters are naturally envious of other people and will try to get what you have, even your significant other. They are not above blatantly flirting with and hitting on your beloved in front of you. Remember — a hater thinks about a person, as a conquest; knowing them does not matter.
7. Most of the time a hater will only down you if there are others around to see, much like the catty leader of a group of mean girls at any high school. This move is designed to degrade you in front of others and reinforce the hater’s self-worth.
If a friend, coworker, or roommate of yours shows at least one of these signs, you may have a hater on your hands. Fortunately, haters can be stopped.

How to get rid of a hater:

1. Usually ignoring them, not hanging out with them, and genuinely not caring sends them looking for a new target. If you live with them, minimize time around them and get out as soon as you can.
2. Practice the art of positive self-talk. Haters don’t actually like anyone, even themselves. Don’t fall into the same thought process. Practice an internal dialogue full of all the things you love about yourself. Negative thoughts breed negative reactions. This is how a hater is born.
3. Be yourself. Haters compensate for being void of an actual personality by leeching the positive energy out of anyone they perceive as a threat. How do they accomplish this? By pulling you down and picking apart all the wonderful parts that make up you. Think of it like a really bad storm, only instead of rain you’re soaked in criticism. Don’t fall for it. Refuse to change who you are to fit the hater’s perception of who you should be. Embrace your true self.
3. Haters are usually the ones who rave about how non-judgmental they are, but will immediately judge you for reading tarot cards, having a job in an office or being in a monogamous relationship. Stick to your values and don’t judge yourself through the same lens as the hater does. Be kind to yourself and you’ll attract other people who treat you with the same respect you treat yourself.

Haters are pits of negativity, pain, and hate. Keep your head high and walk away. Nothing dismantles a hater like not getting any attention or an reaction. Leave the hater with their hate.

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